Why do I put myself through this?

Nursing is an amazing profession. We are always getting crapped on, in more ways than one. There will be days and days where no one will appreciate anything we try to do. We are constantly running around trying to get everything done, and the mountains of paperwork completed before JAHCO or the state come and take away our licenses. Then there is the agency nurse who you are working with who you wonder if she really went to nursing school at all and what is going on in her brain. ER is constantly yelling at you to take patients and they bring ones that should have gone to the unit in the first place, especially when they roll onto the floor at 6:30 during report. Then you have someone climbing out of bed, pulling out their Foley and IV and throwing up at the same time while the family is sleeping or reading a book at the bedside, or better still, the sitter hired to watch the patient is sleeping or reading a book at the bedside. You don't sit down or get to pee for about 13 hours (yeah right only twelve, like you can get out on time) and the family from down the hall is shouting at you because they want to hear a play by play of the last 3 days on a patient you're watching for another nurse as she takes a lackadaisical hour lunch. Also, you'll note that the doctor has just written new orders that contradict all of the other orders that were given a half hour ago, and you can't even read a single line because of the pitifully awful scrawl that they write in. Most of us like to include the letters, or at least the vowels.
Somehow, even through all of this, I find myself pulled back to work every time. I can't seem to say no when they ask someone to work extra. I really can't wait, I'm glad to leave every morning, and complain when I arrive in the evening. However, some sick, twisted, demented part of me really loves it. I couldn't even say why. I'm convinced that no one should ever put themselves through all of that torture, and yet find myself seeking it out. I can't really think of why I continue day after day, but I absolutely love my job even when I hate it. Wow, I really am nutty.

Maybe I'm laughing because I haven't yet gone to bed, but the title of this picture is "Real Nuts", I like to think of this as my own privately commissioned portrait.

Memorial

When talking to my mom this morning I found out that a good friend of the family Clinton Young died on Tuesday. This sad news for me is a blessed event for him. His wife of many years died a few years back and he has been missing her terribly for quite some time. He, like his wife, was not sick for a long duration. He had a heart attack while driving and didn't even make it to the hospital. I am truly happy for him that he is reunited with his wonderful wife, however I will miss all of the stories about the fire department and life in California. I do so love the Youngs and their sense of humor. I have carried on their legacy by teaching every youth I know how to say "boring" in sign language. Then when one of their compatriots is sitting on the stand in sacrament meeting, they can make them squirm to keep in the giggles that rise. Man I've been so blessed in my life to have known so many gems. The Wards are another couple who will always have a place in my heart and have helped to shape my life and character. What a joy it will be to greet them and hopefully I'll be able to say with clear conscience that I've taken the knowledge that I've gleaned through my association with them and used it to better the world and further the Lord's work.

I can see the bed!

In my ever present struggle to clean my room I have reached a new marker. I can now see the bed again. It is pretty exciting. I also can see sections of the floor and the closets are pretty much empty. Maybe someday I'll actually be finished with this job. Probably pretty close to May 1st doncha know. Other exciting things in my life include the March snow. I love it! We didn't get any in January and now here it comes. It is beautiful. I love weather wherever it is, it is such an amazing cycle. It is also a constant reminder of who is in charge. My only wish is that everyone could understand the plan as well or better than I do. It makes me really sad when I think of all of the things that are overlooked in the scriptures and what is inserted in their stead. Sometimes I really echo Alma's statement that he wishes he were an angel and could proclaim the gospel with a voice of thunder to show all of the earth the truth. However, I must also be content with my lot and the opportunities that I have on a daily basis. I also am going to have about 18 months of pure opportunity coming up here quickly, pretty exciting.

I'm back and unbroken...barely

So this weekend was very fun, and consequently, I'm very sore. On Saturday we went on a 16 mile bike ride on the Slick Rock trail. Word to the wise: don't go without conditioning yourself a little first. I went from absolutely no exercise to this and I felt it in my lungs and basically am still feeling it everywhere else in my body. It was kind of scary sometimes, but it was really fun, even when I was miserable. It was also fun to spend time with all of the others who were there, most notably my brother Samuel who managed to pull himself away from his homework for this fun weekend. Also there were the Halgrens: David, Kyle, Lexie, LeAnn, and John; many Howells, the Spencers, and random people from Provo who added to the fun. It really was a blast and now I am going to work today to rest from my vacation.

Madison Elizabeth Ballard

March 16th my sister Deann and her husband Zak had another beautiful baby girl at 11:06pm. They named her Madison Elizabeth Ballard. She weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz and was 20 inches long. She joins older sisters Michela (5) and Mekenzie (2) and has auburn hair like her Grandma Jan. We're so happy to have another baby in the family. Congratulations Deann and Family!

Vacation time!

Yipee! I'm done with work for five days! I even worked an extra shift this week. It feels so nice to be off. You may ask, what am I going to do with five days off? Well, I'll tell you. I'm going to go to Moab for the annual Halgren/Spencer spring break weekend. I'll get to kill myself biking over the Slick Rock trails. You might ask why I would do such a thing and call it vacation? I'll tell you...I don't really know, except that it sounds vaguely fun to some diseased part of my brain. Hopefully Samuel will also be able to attend, if Kyle and David can drag him away from his studies for a much needed break. Anyway, that is the plan. It also would be nice if I did not totally die so that I can go to Portugal, but whatever happens happens I suppose.

This is me wondering where the trail went all of a sudden.

It's growing!

Not that anyone else in the world really cares, but my hair is getting longer. The last time I cut more than 2 inches off of my hair was about 7 years ago, and for all of that time, my hair has not really grown any considerable amount. It is kind of depressing actually to think of all the time it's been. Anyway, I've been getting it trimmed more often recently and it is getting fuller and thicker and... longer. Anyway, it is the little things in life that really make a difference to me I think.

Nature in its strange beauty

Yesterday was the oddest storm that I've seen in a while. I was out shopping at Office Depot and when I entered the store it was cloudy, but just that. I exited the store ten minutes later and everything had turned a pale state of grey and the wind was blowing so hard I had to place each step carefully to ensure my staying upright. Just as I got into my car it started to snow big flakes and a shopping cart with no one inside it went racing across the parking lot at about ten miles per hour. It was like a car commercial I had seen once where the shopping cart is out to get the truck or whatever they were trying to sale. It was really quite funny and amazing that the wind could push it so fast. Anyway, I went over to a friend's house to deliver a package and struggled to keep my car in the same lane due to the wind. For about an hour while I was there the snow continued to fall and there was accompanying thunder. The road looked like it was made of water because of the way the snow danced over it in the arms of the wind. It was really quite pretty. When I left her house it was over. The roads were slightly wet and that was the only sign of the storm that had been. Also her neighbor's storage shed had been blown up about two feet from one side of its foundation. Crazy what nature can do and not even break a sweat.

Wierded out!

The life of a nurse in the hospital can be very very strange sometimes. Oh the stories I could tell if it weren't for laws like HIPPA... The more I see of people the more normal I become (which in itself is a scary thought). Conversations between the nurses at 4:00 in the morning are of course a little odd, usually very funny, but the things patients say and do at that hour under the influence of their medications is absolutely bizarre. Last night I really felt like I was in the twilight zone with all of the crazy things happening. Then to top it all off there was a non-regular staff who must have been shooting up or smoking something really good because she was erratic and flighty and totally off the wall. At one point the rest of us were all so tired of her and because of little sleep and we looked at each other and laughed for a good five minutes. The kind of humor bred in the hospital on nights is unparallelled for just that reason. I guess you have to be a little crazy to have a job like mine or else have a hankering for the crazy. I'm not sure which I've got (no comments from the peanut gallery on this one) but it keeps me on my toes.

Packing my life in boxes

I am in the process of putting everything that I own into boxes. I will be storing them in my parents' storage unit (they saved me a couple of seats on the school bus) for the next 18 months. It is really funny to see what things I have saved. Some things are absolutely useless and others have value still. It is quite a chore to organize it all, especially all of the papers that I have accumulated through the last four years of school. It is however kind of fun to relive certain moments and remember people and things that happened. I would however hate to have accumulated more than I have. It is going to take me a while to get everything sorted out and I have already thrown away trash bags full of papers and things that I once thought I would want to save forever. It is funny how one's perspective changes over time. I suspect that I'm going to throw away many more things when I get home and go through the boxes again. Fun stuff.

Just a cute picture of my brother Nephi and his family in California. Joseph kissing little Caleb just as he likes to do. For more of Gina's musings: ginaandnephi.blogspot.com

Now all is right with the world

My arch-nemesis in high school would use this phrase when he had gotten the better of someone else because he was pretty much self-centered and rude. It used to drive me nuts, but I find that it now fits my present state of affairs. I have been really and truly happy, sirenely happy lately. The kind of happy that is found in sickeningly sweet storybooks after which the reader wants to regurgitate. It is not that my life is perfect. I have had my little bumps: a dry-socket had to be packed, a med error that I caught caused me loads of paperwork, a phone call just when I fell asleep, something I forgot to do. I have found however, that happiness is able to transend small bumps, or continue on in spite of them. Actually the bumps help to ascertain the reality of life and the blessedness of it. I might not really realize how blessed I was if I didn't get a little dose of life. Maybe I'm doing something right, or more likely it's not my doing, but Someone more than me. Whatever the cause, it is awesome to know that all is right with the world and I can continue on irrespective of the bumps in store. Anyway, a little random thought from ellen after a long night of work on little sleep plus Aleve.

Just ducky.